u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Sorry about my life...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
