i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
