my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
