her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
