how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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