I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
