I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
