i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
