I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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