Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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