Someone shit on the floor
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
