Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize