for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
