One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
