I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
