guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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