I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
