I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
