He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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