really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
