Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
