K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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