Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
