1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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