And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
