Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize