yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
