Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think I won the penis lottery.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
