If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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