Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This is the high leading the old right now
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
