Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
