are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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