I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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