I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
