At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
