It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just had sex on a roof
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
