His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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