just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
