Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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