whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
