so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
