words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
