happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
