Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
