I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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