I CAN MOONWALK!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
