'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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