You can't motorboat a personality
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
