Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Found the puke drawer
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
MIDGETS
????
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
