it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
