I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
