Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
