i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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