Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
