i wish my penis had a tongue
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
