i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
