I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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