Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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