well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she told me i tasted like america
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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