One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
