Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
