hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
