I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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