in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
