He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
