Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
