She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
