So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
