youre lurking in front of me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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