I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
