I wish I only lived at night.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
