Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
