Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
