A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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