i was born a porn star she said
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
