I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
